The lost thoughts

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 17:23:25 GMT

Sing me to sleep
      Sing me to sleep
           And then leave me alone
                 Dont try to wake me in the morning
                      cause I will be gone
                           Dont feel bad for me
                                  I want you to know
                                       Deep in the cell of my heart
                                             I will feel so glad to go

I made a big mistake and I dont know what to do.
So theres this guy ive liked for pretty ever it feels like it.
Well he is single again and weve been hanging out.
Well we went to this thing last night and I walked him to the door.
I just wanted to talk and I gave him a hug...
and we kissed. Alot....
I freaked out on my mom.
Ive cried I dont know how many times.
Im afraid works going to be akward.
Our friendship will be over.
Ive told myself for pretty much ever i dont like him
I feel like shit, because i should have had control on myself
Ive been controlling myself for soo long this just feels strange.
I dont know what to do, because I work with him all this week.
What should I do?!

Sing me to sleep is all I want to do.
I dont know what to do besides run away.
im scared to actually like someone again.
Especially him.
I'm so confused.
I dont want a relationship.
I just want myself back.
=/

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 05:15:48 GMT

New Camera. I`m excited.

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 22:32:08 GMT

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1808475612/trailer

OMFGGG Im so excitedd.
You have no clue.
July 13th
FUCK YES.
Now back to my harry potter a-thon going on in my room. =]

I need a break.

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 23:04:52 GMT

Excuse my last entry, I needed some why to just let it out.
I still have so much left in me.
All this angry, aggravation, and not happiness built up inside me.
I'm afraid that it will come out and I will hurt those close to me.
It happens all the time and it's not very nice.
I'm so aggravtated at myself for so many reasons.
My confidence level is low, sometimes I don't even want to wake up.
Even though my dreams, somehow always have black man in them, it's weird and akward.
It's nice to have a place where you don't feel horrible about yourself, shit.
My happiness anymore is because of the people around me.
I almost started crying in my first block, I don't know why.
I wrote something during that class, I will share it later on and another one of Felicia's Life Lessons. I want to write a book of inspirational stories with quotes and situations in it, so kids my age and have answers and results so they won't think it's the end of the world, it's my dream, now just to put it into action.
Anymore, I don't know who I am. I get so aggravated at myself over everything. I just let people run all over me and I don't say anything. I had my emotions and I barely cry. I write and stuff but sometimes it would help to let it out, but it's so hard when you don't know who the hell is your true friends. I'm so afraid to tell the wrong person my feelings and them change it around and make it something they wanted to say not me.
I can't hate second guessing who is true and who isn't it makes me so ARGG, I just wish it was a little easier.
Maybe I'm just being a baby about thing, maybe I need to grow up, or maybe I just need to SHUT UP!

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 01:11:00 GMT

Felicia has offically given up.
I think maybe this whole being laid back thing doesn't help.
Instead its kind of made me a target, cause I keep getting people talking about me, saying mean stuff and all I say is thanks. So then people think " Oh, she doesn't care lets do it somemore..." Then they just run all over me and I sit here defenseless.
Two more years of my life are going to be spent here, then I'm going to Marshall, where people are hopefully mature and not so gay.
I cried today, first time in a long time. I'm too care free to cry and let things worry me.
I cried because of the stupid thing ever, reading over saved IMs and it made me so upset for some reason. I just kept crying. I couldn't stop, as I write this I'm crying.
Maybe I am a whore, I don't know.
I do stupid shit, but does that make me a horrible person?
I don't think before I do stuff, I can't help it.
I've never felt so horrible about myself before.
It was one of those moments, I was like WHOA! Have I changed?
I figure I'm crying because my period is coming up, I don't know. I'm so emotional, aggravated, and just dead.
That's the way to put it, dead.
I have no emotions anymore. I'm always happy, hyper, and just not caring. I act like I'm numb. I don't even so affection, love, and caring. I say I love you too easily, sometimes when it's not true.
Thanks to Ryan, I'm scared to truly love someone, I know what it can do to you and I don't like that feeling.

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 21:44:36 GMT

"These pages are blank, care to help make them beautiful?"

Comment to befriended.
=)